Being a good houseguest...

(Published on 29 August 2006 in 'Women at Work' - W @ W - a supplement of the Daily Mirror, Colombo, Sri Lanka)

Ever had a painful houseguest pretties? A family is usually full of them – and instead of being a joyful family reunion – the occasion often turns out to be the lady of the house’s worst nightmare.

As a kid I remember frequently going for vacations to my grandmother’s house. A whole bunch of cousins would descend at her place and it would be one big party. Having said that there were strict house rules to be followed and even though we were so many of us – housework never got disrupted and everything else around us worked as it should when it should – like clockwork. We were repeatedly reminded by our parents that if we were good guests we would be welcomed over and over again.

Being a houseguest in another's home is a wonderful way to bond and share friendships. However, it takes special effort to be a good house guest whether it is at a relative’s or a friend’s house. I recollect an aunt and her bratty kids coming over one summer. By the time they left nerves were frayed and the whole family was in a cantankerous crabby mood. Our living room cushions were stained with chocolate, the garden hose had been twisted repetitively, the doorbell would not ring any more, the music system speakers had given up, the doormat had chewing gum and biscuit crumbs would appear from the most startling places.

The perfectionist that I am, I’ve always taken great care to be a good houseguest and formulated my own rules and regulations. Little bit of research on the people you are visiting always helps. After all it would be only appropriate to dress and behave as per what’s acceptable at your hosts. It’s a nice gesture to take the family something as a gift – even if it means a jar of home-made treacle. A small act, that will help you forge friendships. Keep observant and follow small hints that the hostess may drop. Usually the lady of the house wants the housework to proceed without a hitch. Flow with the tide. Don’t be a hindrance. Observe how people behave in their homes and follow suit. Pay attention to when people bathe, how frequently and for how long, when people get up and go to sleep and whether or not shoes are worn indoors.

And for heaven’s dahlings - if you want to remain popular, limit your stay to just a couple of days. As aptly put by Hubbard Kin, “making a long stay short is a great aid to popularity.” Your host may insist you stay longer, but its left for you to evaluate whether, your doing so would affect the host's life and budget. Additional house members are always an economic burden and a strain on the household budget. Paying for groceries, fruits, etc is a polite way of contributing. Give your host numerous opportunities to accept your offers of gifts or to make purchases for the household. Sending a thank-you note along with some photos that include the host family is a lovely and thoughtful way to ensure that your bond with the host family will last forever. Whether a close relative or a dear friend no relationship should be taken for granted.

Wonder why Miss Know All’s are so popular, sugars? It’s because we lead our lives by the book… perfectionists that we are.

In the words of Benjamin Franklin, “Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.”

Miss Know-All
wow@dailymirror.wnl.lk

Difference between warranty and guarantee...

(Published on 22 August 2006 in 'Women at Work' - W @ W - a supplement of the Daily Mirror, Colombo, Sri Lanka)

I bought an electric kettle as a gift for an old Aunt who resides in a hill station. It will be useful by her bedside, as she would not need to get up in the cold, to heat up water for herself. Though a favourite Aunt, one always hesitates to visit her. An acidic tongue, she always has lots to say… whether it is about my gaining too much weight or loosing too much weight… about my skin looking lifeless or my hair looking limp. At eighty five – one always let her take the liberty of passing remarks that would have otherwise been sternly dealt with.

I gave her a warm hug and settled by her rocking chair as I handed her the gift along with a bottle of brandy as I enquired after her arthritis. She chose not to reply as she read the text on the box of the electric kettle with great interest. “So does this have a guarantee card or a warranty card?” she enquired. I squirmed for I hadn’t a clue. I tried to glance at the box in her hand – for some telltale signs … but it was a futile exercise. The only way out was to admit I hadn’t a clue and was not even too sure about the difference between warranty and guarantee. What followed was a volley of accusations of being a careless and irresponsible consumer who was unaware of my consumer rights. I retrieved myself and my battered ego from there and went straight to a lawyer friend’s house. So what indeed is the difference between warranty and guarantee?

A warranty is a promise given and is usually a written assurance for a product and declares the manufacturer’s responsibility to repair or replace a defective product or its parts. It means that the service is perfect when the contract is performed and the manufacturer is liable for this. The period commences on the day of acceptance of the goods. A guarantee on the other hand is an agreement assuming responsibility to perform, execute, or complete something and offers security for that agreement. It is an assurance that attests to the quality or durability of a product or service, or a pledge that something will be performed in a specified manner.

Flummoxed? Well sweeties for once I must admit – so was I! My friend elaborated and slowly the difference dawned. The fundamental difference is that a guarantee is generally a short term pledge. “We guarantee that you will be satisfied or your money back”. While a warranty is a long term contract, it is generally based on the quality of the product and its longevity rather than just simple satisfaction. This means that if you do every thing the manufacturer tells you to do and do it in the specified time frame then they will repair a quality defect at no cost to the consumer. The other type of guarantee involves the financial aspect of the transaction rather than the quality. In this type of guarantee, the buyer is given a promise of getting his money back in the event of a failure in satisfaction over a longer term.

Well, it will be some time till I visit my old Aunt again. But if it wasn’t for her I would not be wiser today. Obeisance from one Miss Know All to a very senior and seasoned Miss Know All!

Miss Know-All
wow@dailymirror.wnl.lk

The art of insulting

(Published on 15 August 2006 in 'Women at Work' - W @ W - a supplement of the Daily Mirror, Colombo, Sri Lanka)

A friend gifted me a book on insults – a book that contained a compilation of insults, invectives and incivility hurled down through the ages. I wonder what prompted her to buy that book for me… nothing serious that I can recollect. She must have presumed that a person of my intellect would relish the delights of verbal warfare.

The book lay untouched for a while till I browsed through it more out of curiosity than the love of reading something so frivolous. Much to my amazement, on reading I discovered that there truly was an art of insulting. There were great men in history (and women, may I add) who had mastered this art and excelled in spewing insults at those who they felt deserved to be at the receiving end.

One person who has been known to be a connoisseur, and a specialist in the art of insulting was none other Winston Churchill himself. Lady Astor had once told Churchill, “Winston, if you were my husband, I should flavour your coffee with poison.” To which it is believed Churchill replied, “Madam if I were your husband, I should drink it.”

The quick witted responses of Winston Churchill have become legendary. On another occasion Bessie Braddock, an MP remarked, “Winston, you’re drunk!” Churchill retorted, “Bessie you are ugly. And tomorrow morning I shall be sober.”

Insulting is not for the weak hearted for only the brave can resort to such malicious pleasure. Bernard Shaw once sent Churchill two tickets for the opening of his new play, with the invitation: “Bring a friend – if you have one.” Churchill regretted that he was engaged, and asked for tickets for the second performance: “If there is one.”

Churchill’s razor wit and tongue in cheek remarks in the House of Commons created an electric environment. On Ramsay MacDonald he once remarked: “ I remember, when I was a child, being taken to the celebrated Barnum’s Circus, which contained an exhibition of freaks and monstrosities; but the exhibit on the programme which I most desired to see was the one described as – ‘The Boneless Wonder.’ My parents judged that the spectacle would be too revolting and demoralising for my youthful eyes, and I have waited fifty years to see The Boneless Wonder sitting on the Treasury Bench."

By the time I finished going through the book I was truly inspired to be more creative with the invectives that I used. The art of insulting needs imagination, wit and style… I’m practising… sharpening my claws and my tongue!

Miss Know-All
wow@dailymirror.wnl.lk

Arouse the 'Kartini' within you...

(Published on 8 August 2006 in 'Women at Work' - W @ W - a supplement of the Daily Mirror, Colombo, Sri Lanka)

April 21 is observed as “Hari Kartini” or Kartini Day in Indonesia and is remembered as the day of women’s emancipation that was initiated by a woman called Kartini. The day is an important date in the school calendar on which students explore the role of women within a family, within society and within history.

Kartini was born on 21April 1879 in the province of Central Java. Among the first Javanese to acquire some western education, Kartini realised that the choices it encouraged her to make, were also the right of all her people. Her voice was and still is heard through the written words of her letters. She used her strength as an educated woman to set about making changes in the life of women in her immediate vicinity through education.

In June 1902 Kartini wrote, “What I mean by a liberal education is firstly to nurture Javanese people to become real Javanese, awakening within them a deep love for their nation and country. We would like to share with them all the good things of Western culture, not to replace or erase the beauty of their own culture but rather to bring out the radiance of that culture.” Kartini demonstrated that change comes from within ourselves and from within our homes. Rather than reject, change respects and embraces tradition, while carrying forward a culture that has shaped the identity of a people over generations.

In 1903, Kartini obtained permission to open the first ever all-girls’ school in her own home. Unfortunately, Kartini died a year later and did not live to see the first of a series of Kartini Schools which was opened in 1916. These pioneering schools began to break down resistance to girls’ education. Co-education became possible and education as a whole began to expand in the influence of Kartini’s ideas.

Kartini’s life and work demonstrated to her people the need for self esteem as individuals and the need for an identity as a nation. The objective of celebrating Kartini Day is to ensure that this identity is born, reborn and develops down generations. Kartini has reinforced the belief that children need to bring the strengths of their own family traditions and culture with them as they experience cultures that are different to their own.

The need of the hour is to arouse the ‘Kartini’ that lives within us. Let us be true to ourselves and hold fast to that which is good, while embracing change as a positive growth factor. Let us not forget our roots.

Miss Know-All
wow@dailymirror.wnl.lk